In order to change your circumstances or situations you have to begin with you first. You cannot sustain new things when you have old habits that undermined or even have the power to destroy all the good you have in mind.
One area of my life I have been working on in the past year is how I deal with negative reactions and outcomes. During my training as a coach I learnt about a psychometric test called DISC which I ended up becoming accredited in. Through it, I became more aware of my own personality and realised that one of my weaknesses was to take things personally. I realised that I did that throughout my life and at the time this included work. I remember during a particular workshop when we had broken out into small groups and started to discuss how we dealt with failure or when things we started don’t work out, there was one particular young lady whose response stayed with me, simply because I thought it was a response I would like to have in order to change me. She said being a very analytically person when it comes to problems ‘I don’t take things like failure personally’ instead she looks at the problem and says “ok what went wrong?” ‘What needs to change?” Learns from it, and moves on.
I know I am not the only one who doesn’t cope well in certain situations and being empathetic my initial thing is to stand in the shoes of the problem for the wrong reason. That reason often being to crticise myself and beat myself up. This of course serves no earthly purpose other than making your life more difficult and bringing you into a position of no longer trying.
Fear of Failure, fear of rejection, as with many things, it’s all about your reaction. What do you do at that time?
By taking this statement on board in my life and through understanding myself and personality a bit more I have learnt to react differently. I have learnt how to understand and adjust my attitude when dealing with people who are more forceful, direct and curt in their speech or approach than me. I recognise that often times it’s not because they are being rude but simply because their not ‘touchy, feely’ people like me:-). They have a get on with it approach to life and their view is why take 10 sentences to say something when you can say it in two. So, I get that and have learnt to flow with that now:-)
When things don’t work out, the important thing is to step away from the situation and look at it instead of holding onto it and walking with it as a cloud over your life and future. “Let it Go!”
By not taking things personally and instead finding out the right way of dealing with things from a position of control feels so much better. Its empowering, because you’re not loosing yourself to the situation.
At the end of the day, it’s all about the choices we make and how we choose to react to things. They can be in our control, but often times may not be. We cannot change people, but we can change ourselves. There is a well-known quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that says:-
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
When I watched this video clip from the America TV show ‘The Talk’ I thought wow! Now that’s not allowing your emotions to run you, but instead, how to lay hold of your initial reactions and walk from a place of control. Hope you like as much as I did.
Continue to be the change you want to be, until next time.