Today’s encouragement is hard because it starts from a difficult place. Our emotions are volatile, and we all have them for a reason. But my challenge is for behaviours we find ourselves locked in for years and years and we feel is part of us, but I believe can be changed.
Loneliness is a huge subject and most people when they think of loneliness they will immediately think of a person being single and having no one. Well, that is true, but you can be married and lonely. You can also be in the most amazing job and still be lonely. Loneliness is more about situations not just a partner.
I used loneliness or should I say singleness as a strength in my younger years. I am no different to millions of people. Being emotionally hurt people often choose to keep themselves to themselves. At first loneliness is not always the obvious emotion or feeling. People will identify with anger and resentment more easily. That’s because loneliness is a creeper. If you have ever had certain alcoholic drinks, you would have heard people describe them as a ‘creeper.’ My friend made a notorious punch which everyone would ask for, because of that very reason. In other words, you drink it happily and may even say ‘this an’t doing anything for me’ – then you go to get up and all of a sudden you find yourself somewhat unstable. Loneliness is the same. You don’t always notice it because you have lots of other things going on in your life. You have friends, you do go out, you do have fun – to most people you’re a great laugh, even the joker. But there is always the one friend who will ask ‘How are you?’ on the deepest level, and your initial response doesn’t cut it. If you are good, you will deflect and deflect never answering the question fully.
The thing is some people are very discerning for a reason, sometimes its God’s way to intervene to protect you from yourself. Loneliness can be the root of may things. Results can often be seen but to connect the reasons behind certain things is not always easy.We start off strong, everything could be in our control and we are happy with our lot. But Loneliness is ‘a strong man.’ What do I mean by that? Well, i mean it can become bigger than you and stronger than you. In fact it can own you and literally influence everything you do in your life. It can start in a positive place nothing wrong with being single-minded, independent, self-sufficient when you are single. But what if that is you in a marriage? What is the effect on the other person if you never lose your singleness mentality? What if you are the person who is in a marriage or in a career where you feel isolated, or on your own? What if you find you can’t afford to let your guard down and reveal the truth because the consequences would be too much, so the compromise is you maintain the status quo? You are locked into your situation because you feel it’s not the right time, so you continue in your world of loneliness.
Loneliness has a price, and its more than just feeling on your own. I got called out in the most random of place. I was having dinner with a very dear friend and she had another dear friend of hers over from America for the day. As we sat around the table we laughed and joked and we talked about loads of things and then the friend focused on me and started to ask me a few questions. Then she said I have a word I need to share with you and I hope you don’t mind but I know you are with friends and if I don’t say this God won’t be happy with me. So being the believing person that I am I said go ahead. ‘Well lets just say it was over for me that day, because what she said no one on God’s good earth knew. The key line that got me most was the fact that God had been trying to talk to me over and over again but I had built such a defensive wall around myself not only did I keep people out I was also locking things in that should not be locked in. The last thing in my heart was to ever lock God out, so I got my healing that day, in my friend’s house. (The ironic thing is, this friend I was having dinner with is the one that always asked me how are you on a different level to everyone else. She was the one I did my best to deflect, so love her to bits:-)
What did I learn from that? Well the biggest thing was I lost my fear to love. I started to love people and others differently. I no longer felt I had to be the knight of my own life every minute of the day. It released me to speak differently. Now, don’t get it twisted I am not some happy free open and trust everyone person. Wisdom never left me:-) But loneliness has. When loneliness is filled it does not necessarily mean you have someone in your life but you do feel whole within yourself.
So my encouragement is to pray with an open heart about your situation if loneliness is an issue for you right now. How the answer comes for you, I have no idea but I do believe God hears and answers our prayers. It’s about being the change you want to be and that means dealing with any blockages in your life. Until next time.
Aquene7 = Peace