As in all things in life , there are always two views. The good and the bad. The positive and the negative. As a Coach mindset is everything to me because if your decisions are right and let’s not discount timing in this (for this is also key), the right outcome will follow.
So my thoughts today are on internal boundaries. How important is this and why?
How I came to this subject was through an amazing conversation, so I thought I would put it out there to the blogging world to see if it resonated with anyone and hopefully would help.
Brenè Brown Quote – Boundaries.
‘No one is an island’ as they say, and to get through life we serve others in one way or the other and in so doing, give of ourselves. Whether you are an employer, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, mentor, coach, employee, business owner, etc. Relationships are unique and have their own individual demands. Some Relationships have a good balance, in that they work both ways bringing benefits to both parties. Whilst others can feel draining and/or destructive.
Often when we look at the importance of boundaries we view it as purely an external activity. A protective activity in order to identify what is your personal space and who should be in it and who should not. Or as a demarcation line for roles and responsibilities.
But boundaries can easily become blurred or non existent when your perspective, understanding and appreciation of self is wrong.
A river flows along its boundary.
Self-Love is a beautiful thing and something I will be writing alot more about in future posts as it is a huge thing yet so easily overlooked and neglected. Especially by us lovely ladies who so easily end up over giving and over serving. Hence my subject matter. Internal boundaries. Are you aware if yours? Do you have them? Are you loosing to much of yourself and if your not careful you could so easily loose who you are at the expense of giving to others.
My tadah moment 💡occurred in the midst of a purposed conversation I was having with a very discerning and analytical friend whose insight I valued and respected. We all need wise counsel in our lives. People who don’t speak what you want to here all the time. But people who call it as it is and speak truth into your life whether it makes you comfortable or not.
Change is often uncomfortable and resilience is not gained through comfort and the easiness of life.
So, internal boundaries are both important and necessary. They cause you to pour out of yourself wisely, instead of haphazardly everywhere. Trying to meet every demand because you see a need.
Just because there is a problem or there is a need, it doesn’t mean you have to be the solution to it. Just because you are getting great results, doesn’t mean it’s what you should be doing? I have heard it said, every need is not ministry. In other words just because you have the skill or gift for a situation doesn’t mean you should be involved in that situation.
Every need is not ministry!
This really got me thinking. As often times I equate success as confirmation it is what I should be doing. But as my friend said. God will bless the gift but it doesn’t meant you are operating wisely with it. He used an aspect of the story of Moses to reflect this.
Moses was so successful that he got to a point where he was trying to listen to every complaint and meet the needs of a growing nation. This meant from morning until night he had no time for anything else and it took the wise counsel of his Father-in-law to say to him ‘enough’ this is not wise nor is it sustainable. Time to stop doing what you are doing. Find other people to do the bulk of what you are doing and you only get involved with the most complicated issues which your new leaders cannot resolve. This brought about the first judicial system in Israel.
Moses’ internal boundaries had become lost over time. Because the people grew in numbers and so did his capacity and capability. But, he ended up in a position of service through leadership that was demanding to much of him and depleting him. He was loosing who he was and becoming ineffective as the leader he was designed to be. Because he was no longer using his time and gift in the most efficient and effective manner.
So I have had to recalibrate me. Step back and ask where am I pouring out and it’s not required of me? Where is it no longer my place to do so? Where have I lost my internal boundaries and they need to be re-instated? This is not an easy truth.
What about you? How are your internal boundaries doing?
Are you being as effective as you could be or are you feeling somewhat overwhelmed? Is there something you have not started because you are to busy giving to others and in so doing neglected something that’s fundamental to you? Like your own dream?
Is it time for some self-care and self love? Time to exam your internal boundaries? Are they in place and functioning well? Be aware the challenge is dealing with the answer.
Be the person you want to see. Until next time.